Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
