Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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