You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
