Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
