You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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