we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
