Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
