he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
