look no pants
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
