Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
