i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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