it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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