I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
