I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
