so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
