remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
