You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
