I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Randomize
