dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize