My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
