So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
