everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
