I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
