When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
