like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
