Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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