I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
