She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come share oat with me in your robe
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
