....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
