Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
