tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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