I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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