i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
