We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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