i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Randomize
