some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize