In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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