R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
