He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
