I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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