We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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