Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
