I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
