BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
try to milk me bitch
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