my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
