the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
