why didn't you poke me back
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
