ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
two words...techno handjob
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize