We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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