My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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