I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
