I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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