On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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