I looked at my own cervix.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
