Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
