My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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