O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
