there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
