Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
