Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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