i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
