I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize