everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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