so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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