we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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