marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had sex bonerless
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
