I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk is not a location!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
