hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
