not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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