She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
