Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I checked into jail on foursquare
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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