Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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