nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
