I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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