I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
