you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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